“He has torn us to pieces, but He will heal us”

There are things that I know are common among a large percentage of the female population, but I always end up feeling so isolated and alone in these things.
No one talks about it, or at least no one likes to talk about it.
It’s not the happiest of topics and most people would rather have every interaction in their day be positive and happy.

I’d like to be bold and say that so much of what happens in this broken life we live is negative, painful, and difficult. Maybe even more than 50% depending on the life/person.
Being a kid is joyful, but so very hard.
Being a teenager can be exciting, but awkward and painful and emotional.
Being a friend has so many rewards, but it is risky and hard and comes with occasional heartache.
Being married of blissful, but challenging and sometimes so very painful – it changes who you thought you were.
Being a parent is fulfilling and wonderful, but also challenging, painful, difficult, and risky.

and so on.

Having kids? Or rather, TRYING to have kids and finding out that you can’t without some serious medical help when every single one of the friends in your life are either pregnant, just had a baby, or are working on their 2nd or 3rd baby?

Now that’s hard.

After an extensive, heartbreaking 67 day anovulatory cycle, I found out today that I am, once again, having an anovulatory cycle.
We can’t even try to have a baby because my body will not cooperate.

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Nerd Fest: Literature

I can’t really comprehend people who spent 4 years at a University getting a degree in something they don’t have a passion for. Although sometimes you might have to take a job you don’t like in order to pay the bills or provide for your family, it just doesn’t make sense to me to choose a career path to study for 4 years where you won’t enjoy the career once you’re there.

I don’t have that problem.

I absolutely LOVE what I am studying!
I love writing.
I love literature.
I even love critical analysis!
I can’t wait to have a job where I am writing, reading, researching, and teaching while they pay me!

Right now, I am in my Senior Capstone class, which is the culmination of everything I have ever learned as an English major.
We’re writing a very large paper that we will then present to an audience of students, staff, faculty, Deans, friends, family, etc.

While some of my fellow classmates seem to be dragging their heels through every assignment, I have found myself literally loving it!

But I think I am realizing….
I won’t have another Senior Capstone class at Park University again.
I won’t have brilliant professors and fellow bibliophiles around me everyday to just spontaneous discuss literature with.
I won’t have classes where we delve deeply into the writing processes of famous authors or learn how to write poetry like TS Eliot.
This is it for me.
I am trying my best to enjoy every bit of it.

Top 3 Nerd Fest highlights for me, so far:
– Visiting the absolutely massive KU research library in Lawrence and weaving my way through aisle after aisle, and floor after floor of millions of books! They have an area called “The Stacks” where everything is categorized by whatever topic you might be researching. (How thoughtful of them!) So you don’t have to grab a book in one section and your next book in another section – you can just sit in their narrow aisles smelling the scent of worn out pages and breathing the air of active minds and have everything you need right there! I ended up walking out with 15 books!
– When I realized that I was going to make a substantial addition to the conversation surround Victor Hugo’s craft of the novel, as seen in Les Miserables – Burkean Parlor style. 🙂
– Seeing how excited the faculty have become as we’ve discussed my ideas for this paper. To know that people you respect and admire so much think you’re project is going to be fascinating is such a compliment.

Some of you have no idea what I am talking about.

You may not even read books or know how to spell your own name, and that’s okay. (Not the name part – you should work on that).

My point is that these things are a passion for me. I am studying my passion and preparing to utilize it in my career for as long as I am able. God has given us passions for a reason! We’re meant to use our passions for the betterment of the world around us. If you don’t know your passions, maybe your not looking outside yourself long enough to find one.

So whatever you’re passionate about, whatever makes your heart beat faster, whatever gives you your own private nerd fest – DO THAT.

Life is too short to stifle our passions and kindle our indifferences.