Trials

There is something to be said for becoming depressed over the amount of prescriptions and the number of doctor’s visits one person can be subjected to.

I am currently taking one prescription 3x a day for my PCOS.
I am taking 3 other separate prescriptions at any given point in my monthly cycle to try to help me become pregnant, or at the least help my cycle be somewhat regular.

I am also taking 2 prescriptions for my post root canal treatment recovery – once of them is 3x a day and the other is 5-6x a day.
I am also taking high dose Percocet for pain, and OTC pain meds to reduce inflammation.

In addition to this, I am seeing a Chiropractor 3x a week to treat my pinched nerve, as well as acupressure for helping fertility.

I also see my Reproductive Endocrinologist 2-3x a month to monitor my cycle.
Each time I am subjected to invasive procedures.

This is all in addition to school and 2 part-time jobs.

Wednesday night I was in intense pain and dizzy from my root canal in addition to an overly swollen left side of my face.
Yesterday, I was home all day – alone for the most part – crying and feeling very depressed. I was also extremely dizzy and nauseous (I vomited) and that left me bed ridden for the most part.
Today, my pain is less so, but the swelling is just as bad. I can hardly eat because I can barely open my mouth. I can’t lay on my left side because the slightest pressure to my left cheek hurts so much.
My dentist’s office is not returning my calls because they’re closed and I am not considered an emergency.

I had one friend offer to visit me, but I was feeling too nauseous to receive her visit.

I am not trying to complain.
I understand His grace is sufficient for me.
But if we’re being honest, sometimes it takes a concentrated effort to remember that.

I am just tired of doctors and medication I have to remember to take and feeling sick or nauseous and dizzy and otherwise not myself.

I don’t need speeches about greens smoothies or Paleo diets or any other natural things.
I believe in their efficiency, but I haven’t found them to be cures as much as preventive healthy therapy.

I don’t need monologues about “faith-based healing” because I have faith that God can heal me and relieve me of my symptoms.
I have prayer for this and God has chosen to allow me to endure these trials so that I might draw closer to Him and rely on Him for my help.

I just need to feel His arms around me.
I need to feel hope.
I need it sooner than later.

Okay, I am done venting now.

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10 comments on “Trials

  1. *hugs* from the other side of the state.
    this is no fun and no words i can type can change that.
    grace and peace cover you in this times.
    if you need anything let me know!

  2. sorry you are in such pain and depressed about all these health issues. having to take loads of pills is no fun. sounds like you are just are so stressed out from it all. ;( Things will get better, but I know it’s hard to think of that when going thru the hard times. this sounded so like what grandma has been going thru since May with the chemo, same sort of symptoms and feelings. 😦 Praying for you both! Love ya! ❤

  3. Christel says:

    Praying for you in this hard time of life. While I haven’t gone through the fertility treatments, I have faced infertility and all that goes with that…the wondering if God cares, etc, etc. Please know that even if you can’t feel it, He is holding you. He knows every thing you feel. He counts your tears and even cries along with you. Even though its hard, don’t loose hope. God’s plan for us far exceeds anything we can imagine. If you need somebody to talk to that understands the pain, I am here. *hugs* to you dear, it will get better.

  4. sonyadunham says:

    First, your ecards choice gave me a chuckle, I hope it gave you a small one too. Hang in there friend. I know that times like theses test the strength of our personal reserves and are just downright sucky. Let’s just make a plan, when you are feeling better, to meet once a week and walk the track at Park. You can vent, I can vent, we can share our crosses for a short time. It might not fix anything, but we’ll be able to “breathe” for a while.

  5. castikat says:

    Sorry you’re in pain and this sucks so hard right now 😦 I certainly understand how depressing/exhausting it can be to go to doctor so often and take so many meds…(I take 6 prescriptions daily, 1 as needed, and pain pills for my back). Hang in there, it gets better

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