Changing My Life

The following post contains a rare and unprecedented bout of honesty and vulnerability. I ask that you tread lightly with my heart, and that you only offer up to me the kindest of words during my recently begun journey to change my life.

I have had a problem for a while now.
I haven’t wanted to admit it, take responsibility for it, and look it in the eye – but it’s been there all along.

I have a serious food addiction.
I have become the epitome of  everything I never wanted to become.
I have cravings so strong they move me to tears and anger if I can’t satisfy them.
I don’t drink enough water.
I have a caffeine addiction.
I have a sugar addiction.
I usually think twice before eating fast food, and then I do it anyway.

I have become significantly overweight.
More than I ever imagined I would allow.

People tell me all the time that I am pretty… that they love me just the way I am. I appreciate ALL of you. I can’t say enough how rare it is to find friends and family who will love you just the way you are. But the hard truth of it is this: I don’t love myself the way I am. I really stopped loving myself altogether about 50 pounds ago. I can barely look in the mirror most times. Trying on clothes sends me spiraling into a depression. Exercise injures me because I am so overweight it hurts my body to exercise. I see all the things I want to do and cry because I can’t. I see all the fashion styles that are SO ME, but I am too fat to dress like that. I have had people not want to be my friend because of my size. I noticed. It’s obvious and it hurts.

This is extremely hard for me to admit.
This is painful to share, but I need to be honest with you and with myself.
If I don’t come out and say this, then I can continue to hide behind the plastic smile that masquerades my pain.
If I don’t expose my faults, then I have no outside motivation to fix them.

SO –

I decided to change my life.

Call it New Years.
Call it being finally fed up.
Call it whatever you want, but I am DOING THIS.

I recently joined a program that I had a TON of success with several years ago.
I originally thought they were only in Tyler, TX – but it turns out they have 3 offices here in Kansas City (and more around the country!).

I joined the Metabolic Research Center.
If you want to know about them, you should check out their website.
(If you want a free consultation, let me give you my free coupon for one!)

The basics are that all their products are holistic, plant based ingredients (safe to use even when breastfeeding for those wanting to lose baby weight).
They have me on a VERY strict diet with the goal of CHANGING my metabolism. Not helping it or boosting it – changing it.
It is not an easy program and it is not cheap.
But I never thought it would be.
It took a long time for me to allow my body to get this bad, so I knew it would cost me a lot to fix it.

Feel free to ask me how it’s going, though if you live near me you might start SEEING for yourself.
Feel free to pray for me, encourage me, and offer yourself as a walking/hiking buddy.

But most importantly, please do not try and feed me anything you feel I am being deprived of. 🙂
I want to be deprived from the foods that have been killing me.
I am going to be working hard at this.
I am going to have to be more disciplined and organized.
I am going to get healthy.
I am going to lose weight.
I am going to feel like myself again.
With God’s help, I am going to love myself again.

– – –

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13 comments on “Changing My Life

  1. Stephanie says:

    I am glad you shared these feelings, you are not alone. I too struggle with this and found out I have a thyroid issue that I am working to correct. I cry to my husband when we go shopping because they don’t make cute clothes in my size. It seems after I got married my weight was not important to me and I would gain 5 lbs here 5 lbs there and now I have gained around 25lbs since my wedding. I hate taking the stairs at school, I hate going swimming in public, I hate when I the heaviest person in the room. These are petty things but they are things I deal with every day. I just wanted you to know that I am proud of you for making the change and I will pray for your strength to see this through and to find happiness!

    • Thanks so much, Stephanie! I am sorry to hear about your thyroid problem…. but I am glad you’re working to fix it. If you ever want to go walking or hiking or whatever, let me know. 😉

  2. Kimmie says:

    Tashie! Thanks for sharing your heart and being vulnerable. I love you, friend, and am proud of you for making the decision to get healthy. I wish I lived closer – but know that I’m here for you through this process. Cheering you on from afar!

  3. Katie says:

    I love you. You can do this!

  4. I love you so much!! You can do this! You have so many good people around you as a support system and network that you can succeed! We all believe in you Tasha! I love that you are willing to be open and honest like this. So proud of my little girl!!!

  5. Sonya says:

    I know that you and I are not close, but I want you to know something. I completely understand you. I feel and have felt the same way in the past. I’ve been battling my weight for years and working with Weight Watchers has not been easy for me. I don’t know if it helps, but you are not alone. I am working on myself too. Although I’ve never quite felt that I could tell you how awesome I think you are, I’m telling you now. I see you and I am in awe. Knowing that you are struggling with the very thing that I am struggling with helps me not feel alone. You are a true inspiration to me, and I know to others. I honestly want to be counted among your friends, and although friendships grow over time, know that I am always here for you. If you just want to talk about your journey – then you can lean on me.

    Good luck. I know you can do this. You can do anything you set your mind to, I know it because I see it in you all the time.

    Inspired.

  6. Linds says:

    Awesome Tasha! I am so excited for you and can’t wait to hear updates along the way! Praying for supernatural strength/determination/will power during the hard times…lots of grace from those close by…people close that can encourage you and cheer you on….and people around you to be inspired BY YOU! ❤ ❤ ❤ Send me questions anytime! I have been a researching machine lately when it comes to nutrition and our bodies! 😉

  7. Very proud of you for doing this to get healthy & fit. It won’t be easy but usually the things worth doing aren’t~~but with God’s help you can do anything. I will be praying for you. please keep us updated. 🙂 Love you much!!

  8. Glad you looked that up when you were her and found out there was one in your town. I am so rooting you on. You can do anything you want to do it you want it bad enough. I so need to get to that point too. It is so easy to get off track and so hard to get back on. I am so proud of you…I am so wanting to get to the point where I do more than just talk about it too. I am praying that you will stay motivated and accomplish what you have set out to do..YOU CAN DO IT…I HAVE CONFIDENCE IN YOU…..Love you tons….granny

  9. Angela Bougher says:

    You are simply amazing my dear friend. I love your heart… and this is the TRUTH – you ARE beautiful just the way you are. And you will become ever MORE beautiful as God helps you in this life change. I’m only thrilled to hear about this…because I have worried about your health and this is such a no-no subject, I think, for so many people.. This desire to change your LIFE and not just your weight is so healthy and awesome and I have no doubt that you will develop the discipline and good habits that will take over for the REST of your LIFE! I believe in you .. go for those fruits and veggies… go, go, go!! (I know you’re gonna miss the… nope. no details. 🙂 you’re just gonna miss some some things. But as you reach your goals, you WILL miss them less and less. I love love love love you. Any time ya want to cry in my ear for a few min. I’m here. But I think the tears are gonna be less and less, and the smiles at your progress are gonna take over !!! I wish I could hug you… Even more I wish I could be your walking buddy – I need to walk for my own reasons! Maybe sometime we’ll coordinate a skype walk? lol. xoxoxoxoxo

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