The following post contains a rare and unprecedented bout of honesty and vulnerability. I ask that you tread lightly with my heart, and that you only offer up to me the kindest of words during my recently begun journey to change my life.
I have had a problem for a while now.
I haven’t wanted to admit it, take responsibility for it, and look it in the eye – but it’s been there all along.
I have a serious food addiction.
I have become the epitome of everything I never wanted to become.
I have cravings so strong they move me to tears and anger if I can’t satisfy them.
I don’t drink enough water.
I have a caffeine addiction.
I have a sugar addiction.
I usually think twice before eating fast food, and then I do it anyway.
I have become significantly overweight.
More than I ever imagined I would allow.
People tell me all the time that I am pretty… that they love me just the way I am. I appreciate ALL of you. I can’t say enough how rare it is to find friends and family who will love you just the way you are. But the hard truth of it is this: I don’t love myself the way I am. I really stopped loving myself altogether about 50 pounds ago. I can barely look in the mirror most times. Trying on clothes sends me spiraling into a depression. Exercise injures me because I am so overweight it hurts my body to exercise. I see all the things I want to do and cry because I can’t. I see all the fashion styles that are SO ME, but I am too fat to dress like that. I have had people not want to be my friend because of my size. I noticed. It’s obvious and it hurts.
This is extremely hard for me to admit.
This is painful to share, but I need to be honest with you and with myself.
If I don’t come out and say this, then I can continue to hide behind the plastic smile that masquerades my pain.
If I don’t expose my faults, then I have no outside motivation to fix them.
I decided to change my life.
Call it New Years.
Call it being finally fed up.
Call it whatever you want, but I am DOING THIS.
I recently joined a program that I had a TON of success with several years ago.
I originally thought they were only in Tyler, TX – but it turns out they have 3 offices here in Kansas City (and more around the country!).
I joined the Metabolic Research Center.
If you want to know about them, you should check out their website.
(If you want a free consultation, let me give you my free coupon for one!)
The basics are that all their products are holistic, plant based ingredients (safe to use even when breastfeeding for those wanting to lose baby weight).
They have me on a VERY strict diet with the goal of CHANGING my metabolism. Not helping it or boosting it – changing it.
It is not an easy program and it is not cheap.
But I never thought it would be.
It took a long time for me to allow my body to get this bad, so I knew it would cost me a lot to fix it.
Feel free to ask me how it’s going, though if you live near me you might start SEEING for yourself.
Feel free to pray for me, encourage me, and offer yourself as a walking/hiking buddy.
But most importantly, please do not try and feed me anything you feel I am being deprived of. 🙂
I want to be deprived from the foods that have been killing me.
I am going to be working hard at this.
I am going to have to be more disciplined and organized.
I am going to get healthy.
I am going to lose weight.
I am going to feel like myself again.
With God’s help, I am going to love myself again.
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